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【TOP 50】Fred Allen Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. - Fred Allen Quotes

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen Quotes

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

American Comedian Funny

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen Quotes

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

American Comedian College Funny Quote of the Day

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. - Fred Allen Quotes

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

American Comedian Funny

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. - Fred Allen Quotes

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. - Fred Allen Quotes

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

American Comedian Funny

Where were you fellows when the paper was blank? - Fred Allen Quotes

Where were you fellows when the paper was blank?

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. - Fred Allen Quotes

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

American Comedian Creation Funny

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. - Fred Allen Quotes

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

American Comedian Funny

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on - Fred Allen Quotes

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen Quotes

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

American Comedian Funny

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure - Fred Allen Quotes

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. - Fred Allen Quotes

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Age And Aging American Comedian Funny

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare - Fred Allen Quotes

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines. - Fred Allen Quotes

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. - Fred Allen Quotes

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

There's good cops, but there's more bad cops than good cops around here. - Fred Allen Quotes

There's good cops, but there's more bad cops than good cops around here.

He's a fine fellow. I've known him a long time. I say they'll never catch him. - Fred Allen Quotes

He's a fine fellow. I've known him a long time. I say they'll never catch him.

We take nominations from the general public, and they go through a screening and voting, which has worked very well for the most part. But it's been a less-than-perfect system for long-dead inventors who don't have a constituency to push for them. - Fred Allen Quotes

We take nominations from the general public, and they go through a screening and voting, which has worked very well for the most part. But it's been a less-than-perfect system for long-dead inventors who don't have a constituency to push for them.

If you want to stop people from smoking, it takes a much larger tax increase. - Fred Allen Quotes

If you want to stop people from smoking, it takes a much larger tax increase.

Not every one of those lower-income taxpayers becomes a cost to a state-funded system. - Fred Allen Quotes

Not every one of those lower-income taxpayers becomes a cost to a state-funded system.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. - Fred Allen Quotes

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

American Comedian Funny

A vice president in an advertising agency is a

A vice president in an advertising agency is a ""molehill man"" who has until 5 PM to make a molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. - Fred Allen Quotes

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

American Comedian Funny Television

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard -- let him worry about cutting it. - Fred Allen Quotes

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard -- let him worry about cutting it.

Worry

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins. - Fred Allen Quotes

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

Money

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the limbo of yesteryear's happy hours. All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter. - Fred Allen Quotes

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the limbo of yesteryear's happy hours. All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. - Fred Allen Quotes

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

American Comedian Funny

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. - Fred Allen Quotes

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race - Fred Allen Quotes

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race

Race

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. - Fred Allen Quotes

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch. - Fred Allen Quotes

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. - Fred Allen Quotes

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. - Fred Allen Quotes

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

American Comedian Funny

Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborne-sounds like a trunk falling down a flight of stairs. - Fred Allen Quotes

Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborne-sounds like a trunk falling down a flight of stairs.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. - Fred Allen Quotes

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

American Comedian Funny

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. - Fred Allen Quotes

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

American Comedian Funny Vice

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room left for three caraway seeds and an agent's heart - Fred Allen Quotes

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room left for three caraway seeds and an agent's heart

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. - Fred Allen Quotes

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

American Comedian Funny

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose - Fred Allen Quotes

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission - Fred Allen Quotes

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission

Advertising Funny

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Fred Allen Quotes

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

English Playwright

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done - Fred Allen Quotes

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. - Fred Allen Quotes

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

American Comedian Funny

Television is the triumph of machine over people. - Fred Allen Quotes

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

American Comedian Funny Television

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - Fred Allen Quotes

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

American Comedian Funny Killing

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart - Fred Allen Quotes

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. - Fred Allen Quotes

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

American Comedian Funny

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. - Fred Allen Quotes

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. - Fred Allen Quotes

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

American Comedian Funny

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